We can’t drop it in our family’s laps and expect them to be where we are.” By the time we come out, we’ve struggled with it for years. Having watched his family members go through the process of accepting his homosexuality, Christofferson offers the following advice for those who are coming out: “Give your parents permission to grieve the loss of the child they thought they were going to have. That love and respect continued even when, on November 5, 2015, the Church’s policy regarding same-sex couples and their children was made public.
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The two brothers continued to love and respect each other throughout Christofferson’s journey back to the Church and his rebaptism in 2014. “Perhaps the most public example of graciousness was in the general conference address he gave in April 2008, after having been called as an apostle, when he said, ‘In acknowledging blessings, I include my dear brothers and their spouses, who, as it happens, are present today.’ My partner and I were not married, but we felt included and accepted.” It was their way of showing support.Įlder Christofferson likewise showed love for the couple. Todd Christofferson, was a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy and later served in the Presidency of the Seventy, the couple would fly to Utah to be in the Conference Center when he spoke. In the early years of the relationship, when Christofferson’s brother, Elder D. Tom Christofferson and his partner first began their romance in the 1990s, and from the beginning, Christofferson says that they attended church and general conference as a couple. “He came to feel less trusting of the genuine advances of friendship from members of the ward and less willing to attend,” Christofferson says. But as the events of the Proposition 8 campaign played out in California, where Christofferson had family members, his partner began to wonder if people he thought had accepted and loved them were really just being well-mannered and kind. “They were willing to extend their hearts and minds and open their arms to anybody who wanted to be there and worship with them,” he says. We want to know you.’”Ĭhristofferson and his partner became a welcome addition to the ward. But I want to know if I could come to church and be welcome there.’ He immediately answered, ‘Absolutely. I have a partner, and we’re committed to each other. A few nights later, I went over to his house and had that first conversation. “One month with my donation, I included a little note that said, ‘Bishop, you don’t know me, but can I come and visit with you?’ And I got a call from him asking me to come to his house. And even though he was no longer a member, he began paying fast offerings. So Christofferson found the local ward and began attending sacrament meeting, sitting in the back and then quietly slipping away as soon as it was over.
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The Church gave meaning to their understanding of family, and the family fulfilled their understanding of the gospel, so they were unwilling to let either go.” couldn’t give up on either the Church or their child because each one was essential to the other. We had prayer together, and then our dad talked about his concern that we would be unified as a family and have loyalty to each other.”Ĭhristofferson remembers, “Mom told us, ‘I’ve realized that there is no perfect family, but I believe we can be perfect in our love for each other.’ And then she turned to my brothers and sisters-in-law and said, ‘The most important lesson your kids will learn from the way that our family treats their Uncle Tom is that nothing they can ever do will take them outside the circle of our family’s love.’ That set the tone for everything that happened in our family after that-we were going to love and enjoy each other wherever anybody was in their journey, and we were going to be loyal and united as a family. “One night, Mom and Dad asked all the boys and their spouses to put their kids to bed and come into their room to have a family meeting. Next, it became a cause of fasting and prayer, with family members every fast Sunday asking for the Lord to heal me, to ‘take away the gay’ from my life.”Ī couple years after Christofferson came out to his family, they had a family reunion that would define them for life. “My parents’ initial reaction was, ‘How do we fix it?’ This was followed by ‘What have we done wrong?’ Dad wondered if he didn’t spend enough time with me, and Mom wondered if she spent too much.” He continues, “This phase was followed by kind of the grief process, realizing that some of the dreams they had for me were unlikely to come true.
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Christofferson says his parents experienced different phases as they processed the reality of their son’s homosexuality.